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Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’

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Paul Farhi: (in an out-of-context audio clip) and asking us to resurrect his career as a pitchman? I’m not as appalled by the creepiness of the ad as much as by the cynicism of it. “Okay, lemmings,” it all but declares, “enough about scandals. Let’s get that brand image thing going. Time to go out and get yourself some Nike stuff once again.” Well, thanks, Nike, but wouldn’t a decent interval be in order before suggesting that the Tiger “brand” is now safe again? In still other news: Here’s a profile I wrote about Lindsay Czarniak, she of Channel 4 sportscasting fame. Seems to be some debate about whether she’s really any good at what she does, and/or whether she’s on TV just because she’s blonde and pretty. Well, yes: You may not have noticed, but TV stations really like to put attractive people on (it’s that whole “visual” thing, I think). As for competence, what’s not to like about Ms. Czarniak? I think she’s fine, and by that I’m not referring to her appearance. Let’s go to the phones…

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Nike Tiger Woods commercial: either the moral argument against Tiger and his sins against his family or those for Tiger and an almost relativism-type argument that it’s between him and his wife. How does this play out commercially?

Paul Farhi: I would be happy to ignore the “morality” issue (we do in John Daly’s case), if Tiger and Nike and other sponsors hadn’t built up an image of Tiger that was false. he was not as he was portrayed. Fine, no need to get high and mighty about that. But, please have the decency to maintain a respectful distance while we see if Tiger’s avowals to be “a better person” are sincere. As is, it just looks like the another train is leaving the same station.

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Network Sports?: Nice featurette on Czarniak — but serious sports fans don’t watch the local networks for sports anymore — we’re watching ESPN — or ComCast for a local flavor. Czarniak only gets 2-3 minutes to cover the local and a big national story. now, if I want the weather forecast 3 times in a half hour – the local news is the way to go.

Paul Farhi: Fair point. Local stations have generally lost the hardcore TV sports fan to “Sportscenter” and other such shows. But they still have sizeable audiences of casual and non-sports fans who might want to know what happened in the game that night. Folks like Czarniak still have a platform–a diminishing one, but still a platform.

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drunk Redskins fans: How do people like Lindsay deal with the CONSTANT heckling by the drunks at FedEx field. Basically, I can’t stand it and I’m not gorgeous or famous like her.

Paul Farhi: Simple: she ignores it. What’s more, she doesn’t complain about it, at least not to newspaper reporters doing stories about her.

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I Didn’t Even Understand Its Point: what exactly was supposed to be the point of Tiger’s Nike ad? Was it supposed to be his apology on behalf on Nike? Was it supposed to signal that the scandal had run its course and he could go back to golf and product placement?

Paul Farhi: Good question. My theory is that Nike had to acknowledge the preceding X months of tabloid headlines about Tiger if it wanted to get back in the game with him. So, it did so this way–with a somewhat ambiguous “ad” that doesn’t exactly sell anything, but still has the value of reminding everyone, “Hey! We’re Nike! We give money to Tiger Woods to sell our stuff! Remember?”

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The Mothership: great piece by Chris Richards about the missing artifact from funk history. I imagined that Richards could top this by discovering the fate of one of American music’s holy grails – the Funk Machine, the Fender Precision bass that James Jamerson played on most of the classic Motown hits.

Paul Farhi: Agree. Lot of fun….As for Jamerson’s bass, surely it’s hanging in a Hard Rock Cafe somewhere. Everything else is.

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GOOD/BAD in golfing: mr. F: I’m amazed that umpteen columnists and commentators have made the Masters the triumph of good (Phil) over evil (Tiger). It’s golf, folks — Phil won because he took four (or was it three?) less shots in 4 rounds — not because he’s a wonderful husband and father (we think). So what happens if, somewhere down the pike, it turns out Phil has been “wandering” while his wife is fighting cancer? Just watch the golf/football/hockey/whatever and forget what’s going on outside the game. by the way, did you know Sam Snead beat his wife and drank, and all his tournament wins should be taken off the record books? (I just made that up)

Paul Farhi: I’m a little wary of the “storylines” that sportswriters, and particularly sports TV, impose on games and athletes, mainly because they’re mostly contrived to gin up more interest in the games and athletes (I was a sportswriter once; guilty as charged!) But I thought the Mickelson thing was nice–very sick wife, three nice kids, victory for dad. I wasn’t rooting for him because he’s a family paragon (didn’t we learn that lesson with Tiger?), but it WAS sweet.

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TBS: Ted’s Blah Station

Paul Farhi: Yep. Hilarious to read Turner’s own account of the early days of WTBS back in the mid-1970s, when Ted was a brash young punk. it was really the lowest of the low-rent stations in Atlanta; Turner used to host really old movies with his dog. But WTBS may have been his single greatest stroke as an entrepreneur (okay, CNN was, but that came later). when he put it up on a satellite and created “SuperStation” TBS, he changed the entire TV and communications industry forever.

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What TBS Stands For: “Tyler Berry Shows,” right?

Paul Farhi: also close!

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Lindsay: Lindsay Czarniak seems nice and all, but her rah-rah approach gets old fast. and she doesn’t seem to be on the most meteoric trajectory – hadn’t Chris McKendry already gone from WJLA to ESPN by the time that she was 30?

Paul Farhi: the rah-rah approach MIGHT be a liability, if a team really does need a good swift kick (and all the locals except the Caps have needed several over the past few years). We’ll see about the trajectory thing and fairly soon. Her contract at Channel 4 is up in a year. She’s already gone network, what with her NASCAR show on–oh, yeah–TBS.

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George Lopez: when I saw that George Lopez agreed to move to midnight to make way for Conan, I was shocked. I had no idea Lopez had a show.

Paul Farhi: I was aware George had a show; I’ve just never seen it.

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The Funk Machine: no no no no no. James Jamerson’s Fender Precision, named the Funk Machine, was stolen shortly before his death and has never been found.

Paul Farhi: Are you sure? I could have sworn I saw it at the Hard Rock in Pocatello, Idaho. or maybe it was the one in Altoona, Pa.

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I think you’re missing the point: the Tiger ad wasn’t done to sell Nike stuff to us. it was done to sell Nike’s spokesman to us…so he can sell stuff to us later.Didn’t work, by the way. too many parodies, too quickly. My favorite was the Ward Cleaver voiceover.

Paul Farhi: Yes, well said. it was a “palette cleanser” for Nike…But I’m not sure the existence of all the parodies means it “didn’t work.” Couldn’t Nike interpret those as “tributes,” and assume that all the funnin’ meant the ad was being seen far and wide?

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Female Sportscasters: Most of the female sports people in the Washington market move on to cable such as Chris McHenry from WJLA who went to ESPN and Sara Walsh who will do the same and Jill Sorenson from WRC who went to Comcast. it seems a better job to be in niche broadcasting than a small part of a regular broadcast.

Paul Farhi: Well, this is sort of a local analogue to the Conan-to-TBS thing, isn’t it? Channel 4/WRC has many times the audience of Comcast Sports Net or ESPN locally, so being on the no. 1 broadcast news station in town isn’t shabby. But you’re right–the real hardcore fans are getting their fixes from the cable nets and the inter-nets.

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Phil: I’m always hearing how other golfers don’t like Phil. now I wonder if it’s because he really IS the likable family guy, and all the other guys are out partying with strippers.

Paul Farhi:

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re: Well, thanks, Nike, but wouldn’t a decent interval be in order before suggesting that the Tiger “brand” is now safe again? : A decent interval and then just promoting stuff without any philosophizing, learning of moral lessons, or building him up to be a family guy. he can promote Nike’s products all he wants and I don’t care. But I can do without the “did you learn anything” bs of this ad. I might be tempted to buy Nike because Tiger likes it, but not because he “learned” something a life. something most of us already knew.

Paul Farhi: Again, well said.

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Leno vs. Conan: now that the dust has cleared, how are the ratings for the Tonight show since Leno came back?

Paul Farhi: Generally: Leno is beating Letterman, but Leno’s ratings are lower than they were BEFORE Conan-gate and before the 10 p.m. disaster.

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TBS: That reminds me of an old Late Night with David Letterman bit where he asked why TBS and WGN were called superstations. the answer, of course, was for the same reason that bald guys are called Curly.

Paul Farhi: Haha! Excellent!

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“Hard Rock in Pocatello, Idaho”: Mock all you want, but where do you think Napoleon learned those sweet dance skillz? Preston’s only a short drive from the bright lights of Pocatello.

Paul Farhi: Okay, but thank you for letting me mock all I want.

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“This Be Stupid”?: “Ted’s been Smokin’?

Paul Farhi: very close…

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Closed Captioning: I don’;t know who else to mention this to but on MASN when they do their commercials, the closed-captions are totally out of sync with the commericals, so that a GEICO commercial has captions for some other product and on and on. This is strange because the usual announcer chit chat during games is dome correctly.

Paul Farhi: thanks for mentioning that here. our motto is, “When there’s no other place to mention some really odd trivial stuff that you saw on TV or heard on radio, this is the place!”

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Tiger Woods: I didn’t like Tiger Woods before the scandal and when it became public I was not disappointed because I hadn’t put him on a pedestal. I did feel sorry for his kids and his wife though. But after the scandal became public I felt like he was trying to change and not take golf quite so seriously. So when he failed to come out on top at the Masters I fully expected him to put it in context and perhaps be a little humble. I was fooled, he acted like the same old conceited person he always was and acted disgusted with himself because he didn’t win. I actually thought he could win but might choose not to so he could show humility and help repair his image. what did you think of his comments after his loss?

Paul Farhi: I think he forgot all that stuff his handlers told him to say.

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Tiger: Weird: the ad is just puzzling. the VO asks questions, but all we see is Tiger pouting, rather than answering the questions. if you didn’t know the voice was Earl’s, then how would you know about the poignancy? and if you DID know the voice was Earl’s, what about this ad would make you want to purchase Nike products?oh, yeah: Lindsay is already a star. the question is only: where will she shine brightly next?

Paul Farhi: Well, I’ll say this for it: it certainly starts a conversation. which certainly was one of Nike’s goals.

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Whether Woods is out of the woods : Paul: I think he’s still in a lot of denial. when a reporter asked him how difficult it was to come back from his hiatus, he said he thought it was the most difficult comeback since Ben Hogan did it. Hogan’s comeback involved recovery from, among other agonizing injuries, a broken pelvis sustained in a car wreck, in which he threw himself across his wife so he could take the brunt of the impact. Doctors told Hogan he might not walk again, yet alone play golf. when Dan Jenkins was asked about Woods’s comparison, he called it “moronic.” I call it the words of a man with only a passing acquaintance with reality as most of us perceive it.

Paul Farhi: I’m with you here. Tiger barely left the sport; he was playing in private, which explains why he performed so well at the Masters. Hogan’s comeback is one of the legendary recoveries in sports. Tiger is just being his egomaniacal self if he thinks his return is even close.

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East Coast Bias on the West Coast of Florida: our local Fort Myers newscasts feature a little bit of sports, and it’s invariably what? Yanks and Sawx, of course. A little bit of Twins mixed in, since they train here as does Boston. But still…

Paul Farhi: Okay, the Yanks and Sox train in Fort Myers, so I can understand the reporting. But the whole Yankees-Sox “rivalry” was created by, and inflicted on America, by ESPN, which over-covered those two teams for years.

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The Airless Cubicle: We all want stories in our lives. We’re hard-wired to live with other people, and to make sense out of what other people do, we create stories about them. They don’t have to be true. They just have to make sense to the listener. thus, we have advertising and sports gossip, which coincided in the Nike ad and the story of Good Phil over Evil Tiger. the only way to replace one story is to provide a story the listener wants to hear more. thus it was with Abraham Lincoln. Was he the coarse ape-man that the Douglas Democrats said he was, or a secular saint? Five thousand biographies and we still don’t know the whole Lincoln. thus it was in the days of the Bible. Jeremiah, with an unattractive story, is source of misery. who wants to hear doom and gloom? Ezekiel, with his stunts like going around naked or cutting his hair off in public, had a higher “Q” score, but people thought he was a nut. There were other prophets, who had a more pleasing message… but the Babylonians came anyway. thus it was before Thanksgiving, when Tiger Woods was family man and role model. the moral to this tale: it doesn’t matter what the story is, it’s what truths are behind them that matters. There is a real Phil Mickelson, and a real Tiger Woods, and a real Mrs. Station break, and a real guy in an Airless Cubicle… and we will never know all the truth about them, advertisers or not.

Paul Farhi: only you, Airless, could get us from Tiger to Abraham Lincoln to Jeremiah and Ezekial in three moves! You must be awesome at six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

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Personal stories in sports: I don’t see anything wrong with stories about Phil Mickleson’s family and what he’s been through the past year. it adds a lot of interest to the story. I don’t really want to know too much, but it does make the people I’m watching more human for me to know a little bit about them. if all we did was watch people putt that would be pretty boring to me.

Paul Farhi: Sure. As a wise man said, we all want stories in our lives. They don’t even have to be true. They just have to SEEM true. That’s why there’s art.

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New Tiger ad: Okay, I’m stealing shamelessly from Tracee Hamilton here, but I’d have a lot more respect for Nike if they played a new ad of Tiger looking forlorn with his own words “Tiger Woods, you suck!” that he spoke after hitting a poor shot this past weekend. Hell, I might even buy some new Nikes after that.

Paul Farhi: until then, I’m not making any more damn commercials.”

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Underestimating Ms Czarniak: she has the potential to go to Fox News and/or Fox Business. Smart, hot, and intelligent does not limit her to ESPN or Comcast. she would be a perfect fit with the other hot Fox News babes. she is probably the best looking thing ever in driver’s suit. Puts Danica and Mika Dano to shame.

Paul Farhi: what about something like “The Today Show”? She’s personable, peppy, sunny. That works at 7:43 a.m., no?

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“When there’s no other place to mention some really odd trivial stuff that you saw on TV or heard on radio, this is the place!”: Cool. Then I’d like to mention I find it really odd that Jim Carrey is weighing in on Tiger’s personal life.

Paul Farhi: oh, that’s not odd. Didn’t you hear? It’s National Weigh In on Tiger Wood’s Personal Life Month. Everyone is entitled–even required– to comment.

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Post and Pulitzers: what does it say about journaism in general and the Post in particular that 2 of 4 or 3 of 5, depending on how you count them, of the Post-connected Pulitzer winners this year are no longer full-time Post employees?

Paul Farhi: maybe that some really good people got other job offers?

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Czarniak/Melvin: it seems like the bit about Czarniak and Craig Melvin dating caught everyone by surprise (including a couple of Web sites that I figured would have known already). do you know why she chose now to go public with their relationship?

Paul Farhi: Well, she didn’t (go public with it). For the record, neither she nor Melvin would comment about their personal situation(s).

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He seemed like the same guy. no humility. Hyper competitive and focused. Slightly angry.: So “did you learning anything?” the answer is “no.”

Paul Farhi: Well, not sure I’d go that far. I think–and I’m just guessing, of course–that he may have learned a bit about the consequences of his personal decisions over the past few months.

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In defense of TBS: Since they started that “Very Funny” campaign, I will watch to see an evening of Family Guy/Seinfeld/The Office re-runs, which is sometimes better fare than what’s on the other channels. it was a smart move to re-brand syndication in that manner. Similar story in how “Adult Swim” came to be on the cartoon network.

Paul Farhi: Ah, so that’s what they show on TBS! thanks for the programming note.

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Slightly angry. : if he loses the anger maybe his game will suffer.

Paul Farhi: I think so, too. Part of his personality, part of his game. I’m not really even criticizing it. It’s just him…

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It certainly starts a conversation. : I get tired of things that are only put out there to “start a conversation.” like the artist who photographed her baby dressed up as Hitler and other heinous figures from history. I don’t need to see photos of a baby dressed as Hitler to have a conversation about the Holocaust. she isn’t teaching me anything.

Paul Farhi: the conversation I would start about them would go something like this: “Hey, did you see that some artist dressed her baby up as Hitler? Wouldn’t it have been better if she had dressed Hitler up as a baby?”

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SNL occupying high moral ground?: In addition to the parody of the strange Nike ad, SNL also had a sketch with one of Tiger’s skanky paramours doing “color” commentary on the Masters with the network guys. Later in the show, Tina Fey did a lengthy slam of another cheater du jour, Jesse James. Combined it was an impressive display of high dudgeon against philandering celebrities and seemed unusual for this show.

Paul Farhi: and some of the references she made/language she used was pretty skanky, too. Fighting skankiness with skankiness, you might say.

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Tiger & Letterman: the media unfavorably compared Tiger Woods’s response to his philandering to David Letterman’s, saying that Tiger should’ve come clean as Letterman did. But I watch Letterman every night and HE didn’t give a chapter and verse, blow by blow of his affairs, either. Letterman gave a brief statement at the beginning of the scandal and another statement a few weeks ago when the criminal case was concluded. he gave no press conferences, no interviews, no tearful sitdowns with Oprah. Why does the media seem to think that Tiger owes the world all of the details of what happened Thanksgiving weekend and the sordid details of his affairs? Everyone will move on at one point and nobody will care. I don’t see people protesting Kobe Bryant or Marv Albert. They not only cheated but faced criminal charges. They’re both back at work and Kobe was named NBA MVP after his scandal.

Paul Farhi: and Tiger will be “rehabilitated” (as a media construct), too. the thing is, Letterman didn’t disappear after his “confession.” he kept coming on TV, night after night, doing his show, acting as if nothing was amiss. he just rolled right over the “scandal.” also: he was seen as a victim, what with the extortion plot. also also: HIS wife was nowhere to seen or heard from, unlike Tiger’s.

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New Tiger ad: Snort. or some video of him pounding his golf clubs on the ground. I would love to see that in a commercial.

Paul Farhi: now that would be awesome! Scene: Tiger pounding golf clubs, swearing at himself. Tagline: “We feel the same way about you, Tiger.”

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and we will never know all the truth about them, advertisers or not.: Of course we won’t. I’m still learning new things about my husband and I live with him. (Hopefully I won’t learn he’s sleeping with porn stars, but I digress). I do think we can pick up on some truth on famous people by watching their actions. when Tiger looks like he’s about to explode, when he curses, when he smashes his clubs, when he’s an a**hole to a reporter – I see truth there.

Paul Farhi: showing an alternative view is a public service.

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Coco on TBS: First off, it’s Tyler Perry, not Berry.I find it extremely amusing and ironic that Conan refused to relinquish his time slot on NBC, but has no problem bumping someone else. Of course George Lopez was gracious and agreed to the move, what other choice did he have?

Paul Farhi: maybe George Lopez thought it was in his show’s best interest to follow Conan’s. if he did, he would be correct.

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Everyone is entitled–even required– to comment.: Haha. Okay. But I would expect it from Dr. Phil, not so much Jim Carrey. maybe he needs to get his mind off his split with Jenny McCarthy.

Paul Farhi: As it turns out, May is National “Just How Annoying do You find Jenny McCarthy Month”….

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that he may have learned a bit about the consequences of his personal decisions over the past few months.: he still seems to have a sense of entitlement.

Paul Farhi: Comes with the territory, no? I mean, if I were the world’s greatest at golf (or anything, for that matter), if I had hundreds of millions of dollars, if I was singlehandedly keeping the PGA Tour alive, if I was the most famous athlete in the world, etc. etc., I might feel a LITTLE bit entitled, too.

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ESPN: Did not create the Sox-Yankees rivalry. Growing up in CT my dad was a Yanks fan and I was a Sox fan — back in the 60s — as were lots of “divided” families.

Paul Farhi: of this particularly rivalry. now, EVERY one of those games is on national TV, thanks to ESPN.

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Joel McHale said it best on the Soup: “Yeah, I learned that there’s a tree in my blind spot at the end of the driveway.”

Paul Farhi: I would argue that the SUV crash made the entire scandal. Think of it: no car crash, no “mystery” about his behavior, no trumped up tabloid suspicions that his wife was chasing him with a golf club. no “SNL” skit about his wife beating him, etc. etc.

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Wouldn’t it have been better if she had dressed Hitler up as a baby?”: SNL’s Chris Kattan did a hilarious “gay Hitler,” not that there is anything wrong with that.

Paul Farhi: I saw “The Producers” and wondered if I should be offended about the portrayal of Hitler. I mean, Hitler was a barbarous deranged genocidal degenerate. and in “The Producers” he’s just a doofus. I guess every little bit helps.

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Baby Hitler: it doesn’t bother me that she did it. it bothers me that she thinks she’s telling me something profound.

Paul Farhi: Well, clearly, you didn’t think so. So mission: unaccomplished.

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Lindsay Cool by Me: I think she’s funny and certainly has enough knowledge to do the job. So what if she’s an attractive woman? Her interviews are good and she’s been able to ask some tough questions when necessary. Rock on.

Paul Farhi: I won’t get into an extended defense of her journalistic skills (she DOES have some ‘splainin’ to do about working for the Redskins, but that’s another matter), but I will say that some of the criticism she gets for her work is utterly unfounded and really does seem sexist. no one would be criticial, or even pay attention, one way or the other, if she were a man doing the same work.

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Conan refused to relinquish his time slot on NBC, but has no problem bumping someone else. : It’s all in how we perceive ourselves. he considers himself as great as or better than Leno so he doesn’t want to bow down to him. But he considers Lopez beneath him on the comedy scale, so he is justified in taking the Lopez slot.

Paul Farhi: I’ve never seen a single comment from Conan dissing Leno. quite the opposite. His complaints or gripes had to do with the injury his show would suffer if it was moved. He’s been very gracious otherwise.

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I might feel a LITTLE bit entitled, too.: and I would reserve the right to be nauseated by you.

Paul Farhi: Fair enough. Part of the bargain!

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Old Blue in Exile: Ahem, the long-established Giants-Dodgers rivalry came to our native California from NYC. I’m betting you were a Dodgers fan, right?

Paul Farhi: That’s all I’m saying. This is a calculated strategy by ESPN to maximize its audience. no surprise in that (that’s what TV networks do), but it does get tiresome.

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ESPN Did not create the Sox-Yankees rivalry.: But Bristol is almost exactly halfway between Fenway and the House that Tax Dollars Built…and a long way from the rest of the country.

Paul Farhi: Excellent point….(and good thing reporters in Washington NEVER see every story through the prism of their town, either).

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Craig Melvin — Czarniak: I’m a dude who thinks LC is smoking hot and a decent broadcaster. I also happen to think Craig Melvin is a natural in front of the camera, and is the one who should be primed for big things.

Paul Farhi: thanks. Some folks don’t seem to dig Craig. But I think they’re a very small minority.

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Hitler was a barbarous deranged genocidal degenerate: Did you see the new brilliant British version of “The Diary of Anne Frank” on PBS Sunday? Reminded me about the utter horror the Nazis inflicted on Europe, and would have on the whole world had they won.

Paul Farhi: no, but Hank Stuever’s review in the Post was really good, and made me want to see it (must catch up!). I mean, I’d watch a bad production of “The Diary of Anne Frank,” anyway. But this seems like a very good production.

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Couchless and Wireless: something called Convergence Consulting Group (hey, we all gotta make a living) is reporting that 800,000 American households ditched their TVs for the Web last year, and is forecasting that number to rise to 1.6 million by the end of next year. We’re all aware of the phenomenon of people giving up landlines for cell phones; is the Web-for-TV switcheroo the next big media/tech trend? Thoughts?

Paul Farhi: a comfy couch? do people really want to get their TV shows on a computer screen or a cellphone? Doubt it. I DO think the methods of delivery may change; the internet might end up trumping satellite, cable and broadcast. But vegging out in front of a TV set is here to stay…

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Rocci Fisch: Stuever review of Anne Frank.

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The Dodgers-Giants rivalry… was never foisted on the entire country — really? : have you forgotten 1951, after “The Shot Heard ‘Round the World,” with Russ Hodges repeating, “The Giants win the pennant, the Giants win the pennant, the Giants win the pennant…”?

Paul Farhi: That game was for the PENNANT! the Red Sox and Yanks are on no matter the month or how inconsequential the game.

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TBS: TBS = Turner Broadcasting system, right? I know I’m late – you asked for this in your introductory remarks.

Paul Farhi: very good! now, I’ll give you a new assignment: Name three cable networks whose name still reflects the programming on said networks…

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Unfounded Criticism: I think you suffer as a result of your looks as well, Paul.

Paul Farhi: Haha! I can’t help it if I look this good!

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Pittsburgh: what do you think will happen to Ben Roethlisberger? Is he toast with the Rooneys?

Paul Farhi: I think Roethlisberger is down to his last 14 potential dismissed felony charges with the Rooneys. their patience is wearing thin.

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speaking of closed captioning: the TVs at my gym have the sound off (thankfully). But I’ve noticed the occasional typo in closed-captioning that seems too good to be accidental. For example, “Karl Rogue.” a) do you think the CC transcribers are trying to entertain themselves; b) does anyone get in trouble for this stuff; c) do you have any fun examples yourself?

Paul Farhi: How would you like to sit there and transcribe talking-head TV shows hour after hour? It’s got to get dull, so maybe they spice things up every now and then. “Karl Rogue”–that’s a good ‘un. I wonder what they could do with “Tiger Woods” or “John Edwards.”

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TBS again: HGTV, the Food Network, Mystery, Vision. TVOntario These are Canadian channels. I don’t know if they have equivalents in the U.S.

Paul Farhi: about the future? or about seeing?

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re: Lindsay Czarniak: You know what my issue with the LC story was Paul? the fact that it was about a former homecoming queen and HS class president who was making big waves in her chosen profession. like, duh — real “dog bites man”, if you ask me.

Paul Farhi: Hahahaha! But didn’t you see “Election” or “Legally Blonde”? it doesn’t ALWAYS work out so well…

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Paul Farhi: In the meantime, lovely parting gifts for everyone. thanks much for stopping by this week. In the meantime, as always, regards to all….Paul.

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Vision: It’s a multi-faith channrel – they show all sorts of programs on religious topics on all religions, and have for many, many years now,there’s also the Saskatchewan TV network and the Aboriginal TV network.

Paul Farhi: Ah. thanks. Couldn’t wait till next week–had to add this late arrival!

Tiger Woods has said sorry for cheating on his wife Elin and is eager to get back into golf at the Masters on Monday. But, however ready he is to move on with his life, his sex addiction scandal refuses to go quietly into the night.

Vanity Fair has posted a preview of The Temptation of Tiger Woods, an article for the May issue written by Mark Seal. There are some graphic details about his affairs with numerous women, a less-than-flattering portrait of his late father Earl Woods (also described as a womanizer) and a peek into how he did – or didn’t – spend money on his mistresses.

A couple of highlights:

• Reports have emerged that Tiger’s late father, Earl, was a womanizer, and one insider tells Seal that he was a heavy drinker as well. The person recounts sitting next to him at an awards dinner: “Everybody was in coat and tie, and Earl’s sitting there in these little hot pants—short-shorts—and a golf shirt, and he’s got a big old vodka gimlet going and a cigarette burning, and he’s sound asleep, just hammered, shitfaced. And the announcer says, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, Earl Woods!’ And he jumped up, spilled his drink all over the front of his shirt.… And he gets up there at the podium and starts talking psychobabble.”

• With many of his mistresses, Woods was allegedly exceedingly cheap. Mindy Lawton says the only thing he ever bought for her was a chicken wrap from Subway (he was stopping there on his way to meet her). Tiger and his mistress Jamie Jungers broke it off, according to Jungers, because he refused to help her financially.

• Mindy Lawton says she met Woods for one rendezvous at 5:30 in the morning, before he had to leave for a golf tournament. Although she was menstruating, he insisted on having sex with her, but when the key card to access his office didn’t work, he drove to a nearby parking lot, where they had sex in his car. After they left, Lawton claims, reporters from The National Enquirer, who had been following her, picked up the tampon she had dropped in the parking lot, and later threatened to use it as part of a story exposing Woods’s infidelity. When the tabloid contacted one of Lawton’s relatives, Lawton texted Tiger in a panic, and he put her in touch with Mark Steinberg. “That’s when their brush-under-the-rug, the cover-up, happened,” Lawton says, referring to a deal that the Enquirer allegedly made with Tiger’s handlers to hold the adultery story in exchange for Woods’s giving an exclusive interview to its sister publication Men’s Fitness. (A spokesperson for The National Enquirer denies that the paper held the Lawton story in exchange for an exclusive on Tiger.)

Tiger Woods is opening up….just a little.

The disgraced golfer granted ESPN and the Golf Channel five-minute interviews that took place yesterday at Isleworth Country Club in Windermere, Fla. Some highlights of the Golf Channel chat:

On the state of his marriage with Elin right now: “We’re working on it and it’s a process that will remain private between her and I.”

On why he couldn’t say no to women: “I don’t know, now I know. It’s part of what I learned in treatment, being there for 45 days you learn a lot. You strip away the denial, the rationalization and you come to the truth and the truth is very painful at times and to stare at yourself and look at the person you’ve become…you become disgusted.”

On becoming a national punch line: “It was hurtful, but then again you know what? I did it. I’m the one who did those things and looking back on it now with a more clear head, I get it. I can understand why people will say these things because you know what, it was disgusting behavior. As a person, it’s hard to believe that was me looking back on it now.”

On what exactly happened Thanksgiving night: “It’s all in the police report, they investigated it and they have it on public record, there’s a lot of stuff between Elin and I that will remain private and that’s about it.”

On the bracelet he’s wearing: “It’s Buddhist, it’s for protection and strength and I certainly need that.”

And from the ESPN chat:

On what Woods expects for a fan reaction to his return: “I don’t know. I don’t know. I am a little nervous about that, to be honest with you.”

On confessing infidelity to his wife: “She was hurt, she was hurt. Very hurt. Shocked. Angry. And, you know, she had every right to be.”

Tiger Woods says he is returning to golf at the Masters in April, the Associated Press reports.

Woods said in a statement:

The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta. The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it’s been a while since I last played.

Woods added that he was working to salvage his marriage with his 29-year-old wife Elin and to be a better father to their two small children:

“I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy and I am continuing my treatment. Although I’m returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life. When I finally got into a position to think about competitive golf again, it became apparent to me that The Masters would be the earliest I could play.”

Woods also should be comfortable on one of his favorite golf courses. He has won The Masters four times.

Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex

February 19, 2010 | Issue 46•07 Onion Sports

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.

“Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me,” Woods said. “I’ve missed it. I love fucking with all my heart.”

Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn’t stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier.

“When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control,” said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. “It’s just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met.”

“I’m so into it that I usually just block out all the cameras,” Woods added.

Saying that fucking is his “calling and [his] one true passion,” Woods spoke of how he has always adored the sight of a neatly trimmed mound, the smell of fresh stank early in the morning when the labia glisten with dewy juices, and the feel of a perfect impact with a woman’s vagina.

“That sensation just flows right up the shaft, through my hands, and quavers up and down my spine,” Woods said. “Ever since I was 16, I’ve loved that feeling. It’s like new every time.”

“To be honest, I’d do this for free,” Woods added. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”

During his announcement, Woods released an aggressive touring schedule that reaffirmed his commitment to sex. He is slated to take part in a three-day lovemaking session in March at the Clarion Hotel in Orlando, and confirmed that he would join a foursome at the Doral Resort and Spa in Miami as a tune-up for his first major fuckfest in Augusta, GA.

In addition, Woods said he will not renege on his annual stop in Dubai, and said he looked forward to boning a prostitute on the roof of this year’s venue, the Burj Al Arab Hotel.

The 34-year-old sexual superstar said he is “far from satisfied” by his previous erotic achievements and that he expects to return to sex even stronger than before. however, Woods admitted he may not be in top form at first.

“I’ll probably be a little rusty,” Woods said. “But once I swing the old cock around a few times and get it in the first couple holes, I’m confident that I’ll still be able to drive it as deep as I always have.”

“There will be times when I get into some thick muff, and I’ll have to set my jaw and hack my way through it,” Woods continued. “Just keep my head down and hit that with all the force I can muster. I welcome the challenge.”

Woods believes that his long game, which relies on innate strength and stamina, has probably suffered the least from his hiatus, but that his finesse, iron control, and deft touch around the hole are aspects of his game that may be slow to come back.

“I just have to take my time, visualize the line, and read the grain and the slope of the vulva correctly,” Woods said. “It’s really all mental at that point.”

Reaction to Woods’ announcement has been generally positive. Many of his closest friends, including Mark O’Mera, said that Woods’ return would undoubtedly be great for sex, and that, selfishly, he loves to watch Woods out there doing his thing.

Woods’ fans have also been supportive.

“I’m so glad Tiger is coming back,” said 27-year-old Florida resident and cocktail waitress Brandi Hughes. “He’s the best.”

Woods concluded his press conference by saying that he is looking forward to chasing Jack Nicklaus’ record of fucking 18 major babes at one time.

Sex fiend Tiger Woods has a new addiction — apologizing!

According to WFTV in Orlando, the disgraced golfer and wife Elin Nordegren wrote a note to parents of children at their daughter Sam’s preschool, apologizing for the increased media scrutiny.

“We hope that the paparazzi will find something better to do with their time in the near future,” the letter said. No word on when the missive was sent.

The letter went on: “In the meantime, it is our goal to keep life as normal as possible for our children. We are sure that as parents you can appreciate that. For Sam, that normalcy means attending the school she enjoys so much.”

Tiger Woods, in what was an almost-15 minute speech today (February 19), said only one thing about golf: “I do plan to return to golf one day. I just don’t know when that day will be.”

The rest of his statement was about being sorry and working on repairing the damage to his marriage, foundation and business partners.

“I want to say to each one of you simply and directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior … Elin and I have started the process of healing the damage.” But he said, “My real apology to her will not come in the form of words. It will come from my behavior over time. However, what we say to each other will remain between the two of us.”

He wanted to be clear about Thanksgiving night: “Elin never hit me that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage. Ever. Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. Elin deserves praise, not blame. The issue involved here was my repeated irresponsible behavior. I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated.”

Fame and fortune played a role, he said. “I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard throughout my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. Thanks to money and fame I didn’t have to go far to find them. I was wrong. I was foolish. I didn’t get to play by different rules.”

He asked the media to “please leave” Elin and the kids alone. He spoke of Buddhism and how he had drifted away from it in recent years. And he said, “I will leave for more treatment and more therapy.”

His final words: “Today, I want to ask for your help. I ask you to find room in your heart to one day believe in me again.”

On Friday, the next chapter in Tiger Woods’ personal and professional life begins as the golf superstar delivers his first public statement since his car crash (and love life) made headlines all over the world. (It also made for a good Saturday Night Live sketch.)

For those of you curious to see how the scandal unfolds, Hulu will be offering a live stream of the press conference starting at 10:55 a.m. EST/8:55 a.m. PST courtesy of our partners at ABC News. The live stream is expected to end at approximately 11:25 a.m. EST and will be available internationally. look for the live stream announcement which will be featured front and center from the Hulu.com home page for a short time prior to the press conference.

To share the stream from your own website or blog, grab the embed code from our countdown below:

For those of you who might miss Tiger’s live statement, an on-demand version of the video is expected to go up later in the day.

Rebecca Harper ()
Editor

Tiger Woods has finally come out of seclusion.

After reportedly attending sex rehab, the disgraced golfer was seen jogging with an unidentified friend near his home in Orlando, Florida today (February 17).

The PGA Tour has just announced that Tiger Woods will make a statement this Friday morning (February 19, 2010) at their headquarters.

A statement on Tiger’s web site says the he will apologize for his behavior: “While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between him and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. It is NOT a news conference.”

The invite-only media session marks the beginning of Tiger’s plan to begin to making amends and win back his fans.

Tiger has remained silent ever since revelations about his “transgressions” went public in late November.

This just in: Tiger Woods will hold his first news conference on Friday (February 19) at 11 am EST.

This will mark the first time the disgraced golfer will address the press following his headline-making infidelity scandal late last year.

Tiger’s agent Mark Steinberg says: “Tiger will make a public statement to begin to make amends.”

Rumour has it he will apologize for his transgressions and discuss his past and plans for the future.

Ladies get in free before 10.